Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
