Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
