yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
