U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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