I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
