Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
