her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
