you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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