I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
