How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You're like the curious george of whores
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
