i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
