Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
