are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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