Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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