did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
