i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
