i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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