Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
