we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How does it feel to date your dad?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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