She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
