this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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