I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
