11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
