If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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