if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
