HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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