that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I showed him my bush... on skype.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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