remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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