Where did you get a picture of my penis
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
