census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just got carded by a ten year old.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize