i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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