please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize