Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
