I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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