My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
