I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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