they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
