The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
