So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
