his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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