no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
