i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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