Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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