I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
