The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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