Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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