i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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