FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
