I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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