I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
