like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
