she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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