Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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