my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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