my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
