I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
