The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
