There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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