Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
