So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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