just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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