no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
