I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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