Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
